Sheila, “DON’T SCREAM AT THEM!! If I had known how negative an effect this had on my girls, I would have tried harder not to do it.” Tip 1
I have personal appreciation for Sheila’s first tip, “Don’t scream at them.” It is a tip I am so happy to have learned early.
Having been primarily yelled at as a child, I was prone to be a screaming parent. To add further injury, in my upbringing, screaming was accompanied by demeaning speeches and constant disapproval. My parenting prognosis was low.
In learning the source of my own pain, and with the help of counselling, I kept myself on a tight leash with my tone, volume, and language. Screaming at children really does have a “negative effect.” In my case it was deep, lasting, loud, internal, and relentless.
Over 40, and after many hours of therapy, I still feel the impact of screaming. At times, I even wait to be yelled at. It is mind-blowing to me, and to Big Mike, that after all these years the effects still linger. I am still afraid.
I believe if my parents had known better, things would have been different. They came from a place, and a school of thought, where respecting children had not yet been developed. They were not exposed to the information screaming was not effective, in fact counterproductive.
They just didn’t know. Their education, experiences, and exposure were highly limited. They were bogged down with their own internal wreckage and, for the most part, lacked the resources and capacity to rebuild.
Screaming alone may not cause all the damage, and confusion, I experienced; although, it should not be underestimated. Ironically, I’ve since learned of the effectiveness in whispering. Try whispering instead.
At times, in home and at work, I’ve practiced whispering when delivering a serious message. I can tell you, it is highly effective. As an unexpected outcome, whispering not only conveyed the message, it also calmed me down when feeling the urge to scream.
I am most proud to have broken this cycle! I have every confidence the cycle has also been broke in Sheila’s loveable little, newly announced, now quartet!
Thanks my friend! Love to you always and forever!