Me, “It starts at the eye roll.” Tip 10
I’m a firm believer of ‘nipping it in the bud.’ Of course our kids are going to try to flex a little. I think flexing is a good thing and a sign to us that they are moving toward independence.
In recognizing that, as parents we can provide respectful opportunities for independence, while ensuring disrespect is not tolerated. I really appreciate “Mom 88’s” tip stating, “If your children are disrespecting you, find out why and fix it.”
I’m assuming an eye roll may be flexing or seeking independence; however, there could be much larger issues at play. Certainly communication can ensure a clearer understanding and hopefully deescalate things.
If the eye roll slides then the door slams, and if that slides before you know it things get ugly. Some parents even end up against the wall, literally and figuratively.
I can appreciate the urge to let small indiscretions slide, but believe harder work will follow if any show of disrespect goes unaddressed. I was all about trying to simply things. I felt I didn’t tolerate the eye roll it was unlikely I’d be told to “fuck off,” or find myself against a wall.
The important thing about checking disrespect from others is not dishing it out yourself. We, as parents, did not disrespect Michael; therefore, we were in a position to not tolerate it.
There really was no room for any show of disrespect, not an eye roll or a door slam, not even a huff. Michael would be called back and the action explored in the moment.
Sometimes a cooling off period is required. I don’t recall needing that, but would recommend it not be too long. It’s tough to pick up an issue after the dust settles. Nobody wants to risk another blow-up when it seems as if things have cooled down.
Not addressing small signs of frustration, discontentment or disrespect can lead to larger signs such as poor behavior, prolonged negative feelings, and a generally unhappy home.
I believe if a parent lets the eye roll slide more is sure to follow. I just couldn’t risk it. I was so afraid of getting into an irreparable place. I could not bear being told to “fuck off,” by Michael. I don’t think I would recover.
Happily I did not have to content with being thrown into a wall or told off in any way. Our home was a respectful place always. No doors were slammed and no feelings disregarded.
We of course were not always happy with behaviors, decisions or opinions, but we did respect each other, talk a lot and listen to understand.
We didn’t dish it out and we didn’t take it.
Now everyone can have a village! 