45 of 100 Dads – Brag

Rodger is a retired member of the Canadian Armed Forces.  He has raised two children, a boy and a girl, now in their twenties. Having been largely influenced by the love of his Mom, Rodger carries her legacy of hugs and encouragement.

His life’s joy is watching his children grow into interesting and well balanced adults. His dream is they continue to do so while enjoying a lifetime of healthy, happy and supportive relationships.

Having been a member of the Forces, time away from home was difficult. Rodger struggled with missing activities and accomplishments through the years. His tips demonstrate how even the little things can be meaningful. Despite departures, he was able to connect on many levels and continues to do so to this day.

Rodger, “Brag how well they are doing to everyone and anyone.” Tip 10

In his tips Rodger promotes a great mix of teaching and fun. I’m sure the memories of the outdoors, imaginary play and fort building will provide a lifetime of fond reflection for his children. What beautiful scenes they must have shared.

Having had a difficult childhood myself, there was no play, fun or forts. There was also no “bragging” as mentioned in Rodger’s tenth tip.

I’m proud to say, I was counselled in some of the parenting approaches Rodger is suggesting. Fortunately, parents did suggest fun and forts; also, fortunately Michael had other adults who too believed in fun and forts.

As far as “bragging” goes, I love it but try to restrain these days. Michael is now 29 and feels a little weird when I gush. I have much to gush about, so it takes great restraint.

I’m not sure why bragging is frowned upon by some. I find that confusing. I thought I’d seek a definition to ensure I wasn’t misunderstanding.

Bragging is defined as, “excessively proud and boastful talk about one’s achievements or possessions.” Maybe it’s the excessive part that is off putting. I can see that. Maybe it’s only when you do it about yourself, I can see that as well.

That said, when Michael was young, I did brag, excessively. I wanted him to hear what was important. I wanted to reinforce his achievements. I attempted to highlighted preferred qualities, skills, abilities, outcomes and accomplishments.

I used the technique deliberately and genuinely. I meant what I said. I didn’t want my praise to lose it’s luster or to sound insincere and to not be valued by him. I did brag a lot and I meant it a lot. I still do.

I told Michael he was great at saving money, he wanted to save more money. I told him he was a strong decision maker and he became more attentive to decisions.

Michael learned about himself through my eyes and my words. Michael only had positive messages in his world and his mind – positive in, positive out.

Bragging was effective in developing Michael’s self awareness, self esteem and family values. I’m not sure if it was excessive, or annoying to others, and I don’t care. I still don’t care.

Michael’s great! He’s a smart man, a kind, loving and thoughtful partner and a connected son and grandson. He’s a generous and attentive friend, an informed, caring and engaged father and a loyal and trustworthy employee. He’s a hard worker, ambitious, financially responsible and eager to learn. He makes healthy choices. He’s a great decision maker, a critical thinker and is active in his community. Michael has a kind heart, a beautiful mind and a strong presence. He’s more that I ever dreamed.

There, I said it! I hope Rodger will also continue to brag. I’m sure I will.

Thanks for supporting what I always knew, bragging is OK.

Here they are! 💞

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